Mabey So...

I started this blog only a few weeks ago. I needed a way to look back at the good moments that I shared with her. I was in such a funk, even though she was gone, those moments were the only thing keeping me afloat. But I'm done. No more sharing stories. No more reminiscing. No more holding out for hope or a change of heart. When she left she told me she "knew she was making the biggest mistake of her life", but she had to. She's just following her heart. As did I. She had some unfinished business with someone else, and no matter how much love we shared, that is where her heart was. I wouldn't want someone who wasn't fully invested in me anyhow, I deserve better. She deserves whatever she feels is right for her. I haven't stopped caring. She crosses my mind multiple times, everyday. I still carry around sadness in my heart. What we had, albeit fast, intense, and brief, it mattered to me and I know, for at least a moment, it did for her too. I ho...

I see her in everything I do. It's been a over a month since she left and weeks since she's admitted to seeing someone else, but yet she occupies all my thoughts. I can't go anywhere and not be reminded of something we did, a discussion we had, or a moment we shared. I wake up and she's the first thing I think of. Throughout my day she occupies my mind. At night thoughts of her hit me and the grief swells. Then when I sleep, I dream of her. I started this blog as way to talk about the good and I want to keep it in that lane. So I won't be taking any shots at her. I try not to dwell on the sad. But today, the only story I can muster is the one I am currently and living. It's short and to the point. I miss you.

We often would talk about what life would be like when we lived together. We'd talk about where the kids would sleep and if we'd keep my roommate in the house (yes, Adam you were staying). But one thing that always was brought up was the kitchen. It was the room in my house that needed the most attention. She liked the idea of making the color and theme blue. We'd send texts with different ideas of décor and paint. I couldn't wait to get started. A week before she left she brought over a blue spatula. She said it was the first piece to our kitchen. I was overjoyed. But then it my world ended. Without warning. She kissed me goodbye before she went to get her car fixed and told me she'd be over that night. She never came over. I got a phone call and it was done. I could write endlessly on my feelings about the breakup. About what I was told. About what actually happened. Where and what she's up to now. But that's not the point of this. That's not the s...

For my birthday I decided to go to Key's On Main. It's a local piano bar and the atmosphere is always fun. I invited a bunch of friends and was ready to go have an amazing time. I was very excited because SHE was going to be my date. She came over to my house that night. We had been texting and sending snapchat pics nonstop for weeks now. I knew it was still early on, but I knew I wanted to ask her something big. I started off by telling her that she's the only girl I am talking to and for as long as we are hanging out, she's the only one I want to talk to. She told me that I was the only guy she was seeing and she wanted to keep it that way too. So then I did it. I asked her, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" She replied, "Yes!" It was such a sweet and wonderful moment. I was so happy. I couldn't wait to go to Key's On Main with MY girl. We went to Key's and it was so much fun. Many friends came, sang songs with me, and bought me ...

Not a day would pass where we wouldn't talk to each other. Texts, Snapchat pictures and messages, phone calls, and such. We were in constant contact. I'd visit her at work almost daily, sometimes with cookies or drinks, other times with flowers. She'd come and visit me at my work, usually with a drink or smoothie for me. But the absolute best time was at night. I'd stay up past midnight because that's when she'd finish her work shift. Like clockwork she'd show up at my place. Some nights we'd lay in bed and talk. Other nights would be filled with romance. But the absolute best and cutest moments were when she'd have to leave. She'd still stop by, she'd kiss me. She'd tell me she loved me. Then she'd tuck me into bed. Being a full grown adult being tucked into bed by the one you love...there's just something pure and romantic about it all. How could this not be love?

I planned what I thought would be an amazing first date. It was the 4th of July and she had put off a family function to spend the evening with me. I ordered a cheese platter from a deli. I searched multiple liquor stores for her favorite bottle of wine. I went to multiple stores looking for a picnic basket for all the goodies. Tonight was going to be something special. We met up at my place and we visited for a moment. Then she got in my car. I was so nervous. We made small talk as I drove her to our destination. The days leading up to it I had told a few of her friends my idea. Some liked it, others gave confusing advice that led me to second guess myself. But we would text a lot, and she told me she knew whatever I originally had planned would be great. So I followed my gut. I drove us up the mountains, somewhere we could sit and watch all the fireworks go off across the beautiful valley. I laid out a blanket for us to sit on, a blanket that would be ruined by doing so. It wou...